Friday, March 28, 2008

Courtesy of Dad

Every now and again I like to remind people where I get my personality, character, strong will, intelligence, and my humor from. The following is an email I received from my father regarding the upcoming Earth Day on April 22nd. If you are a friend of the environment, you might find this offensive. If, however, you are a friend of the environment that has a great sense of humor, you'll laugh your ass off after reading this. :) Enjoy.

"Beff / Brad -

Yes, yes, yes, it's happening yet again - April 22nd. This year, to celebrate we've decided to host a neighborhood party. We'll be having Surf and Turf dinner (whale and American Buffalo) and for those would rather eat feathered friends we, of course, will have the standard Bald Eagle stew.

For those who want to just eat and not stay at the party we will be offering take home in the re heatable throw away virgin plastic containers.

A campfire will be held later in the evening using imported Rain Forest Trees and the fire will be use refined imported crude oil for the kindling.

To make sure we have enough room for everyone we will of course cut down all those American Chestnut and Elm trees that have been in the backyard for the last 75 to 100 years and will also use them in the bonfire. The paving company will be able to asphalt the area well before time for the party kick off.

Special parking areas will be set aside for those who drive Hummers - like the Smiths and Jones families that live about a half mile away. Ron Smith has offered to pipe in the music from his Bose speakers mounted in his Hummer and will keep the vehicle idling and in park so that the battery doesn't drain.

Glacier water drinks are available to all in the clear plastic bottles. Norm Jones is having them flown in by helicopter during the event and will bring in one case at a time so that we can have an opportunity to take pictures.

For those of you who get overheated by the bon fire we will set up a tent with air conditioners - keeping the main flap open so that you can enjoy the fire of course.

And for those of you who still get a slight chill in the evening we will have the white leopard skin throws that Arthur Jones shot this year on safari. (if you remember how much you liked the white tiger skins you will find these even more enjoyable.)

Remember, through your generosity and contributions, last year's event hosted by the Warners' raised over $12 which was given to that guy who stands at our Interstate entrance with the sign that says, "Army Vet".

Hope you can make it.

Your Nature Loving Dad"


Dawn said...

That's the funniest shit ever! Man I wish he was my dad!

Angi Fischer said...

That is the funniest thing I've ever read. Oh my...