This is a pictureless post, so please bear with me.
Recently, I have been in the throws of life. For the past seven months of my life, I have been worrying and thinking about whether or not I would have a job. Granted, I've been working in retail so it shouldn't bother me that much, but I have enjoyed the opportunities I've had while working at my current job. Whole Foods and Wild Oats have officially merged. My store is officially closing. There is no closing date as of yet, but it frustrates me to no end to think about it.
Each day since the news broke, I've dreaded going to work to answer customer questions and respond to stupid comments. "I'm so sad to hear you're closing. When do the sales start?", "So is it official?", "I don't like it over there [at Whole Foods]. It's too big." I just don't care to talk about it alllllllllllllllllll the time. How do you even respond to some of these comments? I'm quite sick of it and I wish people would just shut up.
Thankfully, Whole Foods is absorbing all of our staff members if they want to work there. I have a meeting/interview with them tomorrow to discuss where I would like to work over there. I'm just not sure I want to work there. I can't help but think about it all the time either. I don't like being consumed with thoughts of, "What next? Will I like it? Is it worth it? Is it time for a change? Will I like the people?". I know that if I go there I will succeed. I try really hard at what I do now, but I don't know if I'll like the environment. I know most of it is my perception of things and my attitude towards them. I am trying to think positively, but I'm also trying to be honest with myself. That's so hard to do.
The past four mornings I have even been dreaming about it. I can't help but think that something bad will happen. My biggest fear is that I want to be counted. How silly is that thought? I want to be noticed. I mean, could I be sillier than that? I just want to make sure that all the work I've put into Wild Oats for the past year will be noticed and understood if I go to Whole Foods. I have a college degree and I'm a energy-driven individual. Please, allow me the chance to do what it is you want me to do with the attention to detail that I give things and you will not be let down.
I'm nervous about talking to someone from over there as I tend to get a bit tongue tied when I want to express myself verbally. Also, I only have a half an hour and what if I don't mention the important stuff? How do you explain to someone who you are? You just can't explain that.
I am clearly stressed about all this and I'm not the only one. I hate feeling selfish over this when I haven't worked for the company as long as some people. I feel so conflicted as I think that I should be selfish since it affects my life and where I might be in the future. I expected to stay at Wild Oats and move up, but without there being any other locations nearby there wasn't a lot of opportunity to go anywhere. There might be more of a future for me to be promoted with Whole Foods.
As a side note, these thoughts go through my head about a thousand times a day. They never stop. They never slow down. I think this way on a consistent basis and it can get rather tiring. Even when I'm not stressed, excitement takes over and I can't stop. Ah, well. That is me, or rather, a part of me. Maybe you guys can make sense of my thoughts for me. If you can, please just write a one paged typed essay or a nice paragrpah, double spaced, Comic Sans font, size 14. I like the words big for better reading enjoyment.