What I Am.

I am many things. Every year around this time I come to realize more about myself. I like to reflect on the past year and remember the lessons I have learned. There are so many lessons to learn and I value and cherish each one. Though I can't recall all lessons down to the minute, I've come to some realizations about myself. Of course, those of you who know me are probably able to nod in agreement with my "discoveries".

I am stubborn. Maybe it's a form of determination (at least, I like to think it is) that keeps me going on a daily basis. Though I can get discouraged easily, when I have time to reflect and relax, I bounce back rather easily.

I've also determined that I am a sensitive and emotional person. Why have I never realized that? WHY? I know why. It's because if you tell me I'm sensitive then I start to become sensitive and defensive about me not being either one of those things. Uh...I guess I can take that as a confirmation of truth. Some of you out there are thinking "What a ding dong! I knew that about you Beth!"

Maybe these are some of my character flaws, but with these flaws come strength. Recently (within the last two months), I started working for a new company. I've had to deal with people and situations that I haven't had to deal with before. My boss has been extremely encouraging and pushy in trying to get me to break out of my shell and realize my potential. You guys know that I'm not entirely shy, but standing up to people hasn't always been easy for me. Generally, when faced with a bully I let myself be pushed around. In my current work situation that isn't an option and I've been forced to push back. As some of my fellow workers have pointed out to me before, I look rather young and so that tends to work against me in my management position. I have to overcome two obstacles: the bully and my age. Believe me it's been a challenge, and I still have a ways to go, but I'm making headway. I hate that confronting people makes my heart race and my voice quaver a bit. Maybe you guys have experienced the same thing, but it always takes me a minute to bounce back.

I love making people laugh. Seriously, that is one of my greatest pleasures. I make faces, do silly dances, make jokes, sing normal sentences to make life a musical, and laugh whenever possible. I am an entertainer once you get to know me or maybe even before. Here's a little band story for you. No, it doesn't start with "this one time at band camp". My senior year in high school I had the pleasure of being a drum major. I absolutely loved standing on the podium with 160 band members on the front yard line looking up at me feeling the pressure of competition on their shoulders. Once they started to move into their first set I would make faces at them. I could see some smiles while they began to play and relax a bit. I know it's a silly story, but it was always kind of a rush.

I am so glad to be sharing this with all of you. I know I've been M.I.A recently and but I'm anxious to get back here. Most of what this blog has been for me is a way to release and vent about things. It's been about sharing and discovering and I'm happy to be a part of this world, no matter how infrequent I may join it.